The Big Game

P&O do elegance very well. The Oriana even has a bar called Tiffanys with a stained glass ceiling. How elegant is that? (I don’t know why women always complain about glass ceilings – I suppose it’s the dusting) Anyway all this elegance attracts a lot of serial skiers.
For those who don’t know, skiing in this context means Spending the Kids Inheritance. This is why at Southampton you see lots of fifty-somethings waving a tearful goodbye to their ageing parents. They’re actually crying because they are waving goodbye to another few thousand pounds. In the elegant bars and dining rooms of the Oriana, serial skiers play a game called Cruise Ship Poker. The winner is the player who can boast about the most and / or the best cruises.

The game is played throughout the ship but the big games start in the main dining room at 4pm over tea and crumpets. We’ve been on quite a few cruises and thought we were ‘ready’ so 4pm found us seated at a large dining table in front of a window with the sea rushing past. The air was heavy with tension. The aroma of jam and crumpets covered a faint smell of linement and warm rubber.

The lady at the end with the badly fitting skin opened with a back to back cruise on the Artemis. I saw her and raised with 3 separate cruses within a twelve month period. I thought the man with liver spots opposite might have a World Cruise, but I was delighted when he only played the Singapore leg. I knew that my four Aurora Cruises would always beat a single leg of the World. I played my Auroras with quiet confidence and leaned across the table to gather up the pots of clotted cream. ‘Of course they changed the itinerary in 2006’ smiled Liver Spots ‘doing the Singapore leg last year allowed us to see some ports that we missed out on our World Cruise in 2005.’

I sank back in my chair defeated. The harsh truth is that we have a lot more skiing to do before we are really ready to compete at this level.

Dave x