Nearly Home

We've just waved goodbye to the corner of France and will be back in Blighty in the wee small hours.

Ah well, only 4 months until the next one!

xx
Janet
xx

Dear Julie & Dave

As the recession appears to be getting worse maybe we should consider Fred Olsen Express for our next (but one) cruise. We got a chance to examine one of their new amphibious vehicles when it was undergoing sea trials off Tenerife. Janet sneaked up and I got this picture whilst the driver was changing out of his wet clothes. From next year these vehicles will not only provide cheap trips to the Canary Islands but they will also take you sight seeing when you arrive.

Homeward Bound

Now coming to the end of a peaceful crossing of the Bay of Biscay, after a very relaxing cruise. We still have lots of credit left on our Internet account, and Dave is already planning the next cruise, so if we get chance will tell you all about it later!
Janet
xx

Afternoon Tea

We went for tea and crumpets again. The lady in front of us was obviously part of an up-market care in the community project and so, like the experienced cruisers we are, we loitered by the dining room entrance and tagged on behind a couple who looked normal. The waiter led us to a table in the far corner and bingo! - there she was glaring imperiously over the cake stand. She was elderly, dripping in jewels and spoke like she had swallowed a plum tree. She was obviously old money. You can’t get like that in one generation, it needs a programme of inbreeding over several centuries.

Her son was ‘something in the city’ (corporate wanker?) and she made it clear from the beginning that there was no point in playing cruise ship poker. The only person that would have stood a chance was the captain and I would not have bet on him. She had opinions on everything. She didn’t like the look of the singer (too black?) and the magician was ‘one of those gypsy people’. The normal couple we had followed in were forensically examined. He was Greek (hmm) and his wife was German! The voice said ‘Splendid’ but the look said ‘you’ve started two world wars, don’t try anything on my table’.

She told us about her last world cruise. ‘You have to have a suite, I mean you have to have somewhere to live properly for three and a half months’ - ‘ The suites have good air conditioning but sometimes you have to leave the windows open and bugs and nasty things get in’ – ‘When we were off South African a monkey got in and frightened me’. On reflection I was surprised – I would have expected her to have mistaken it for room service and ordered another bottle of Bollinger.

Dave XX

P&O take Health & Safety seriously

Lisbon Postscript

Two things fascinate me about Lisbon, the pavements and the bridge. All the pavements, and I mean ALL, are covered in small mis-shaped beige lumps of marble. There must be a law that only permits this sort of paving. (like the law that requires UK Utilities to always make good excavations with tarmac) My theory is that the King of Portugal once imported a shipload of this marble for his palace floor. When the Queen said ‘I’m not having beige again’ he came up with a decree that got rid of the marble and also made him a few escudos.

The bridge sings. I don’t mean folk songs or even heavy metal (sorry) but it hums really loudly. It’s to do with the vibration of the traffic and the resonance frequency of the bridge. I guess you could make it play a tune by altering the vibration a bit. A symphony written specially for the bridge could start with trucks and buses and have delicate middle passages of smart cars and bicycles.

Just past the bridge is the Statue of the Explorers which honours the famous navigators that roamed the world when Portugal was a major seafaring power. Each navigator had a charter from the King which, loosely translated, commanded them to – ‘Sail forth and find a new way to the east. Claim any new lands you find for the King of Portugal but give Lanzarote a miss if you want to keep your ears. For ballast on the way back would bring me some more of those small mis-shaped beige lumps of marble’

Dave 5th Jan 2009
PS
Whilst were establishing that Monday is a bad day for culture in Lisbon (see Janet’s Blog) I saw and failed to photograph a brilliant bit of graffiti. An almost bilingual Portuguese vandal had spray painted a wall with ‘Resistance is Fertile’

Easy Listening

I’m being tortured. You know how I said the Bachelors were on board? Well, I never liked the Bachelors in their heyday, and certainly wasn’t going to spend any of my time on holiday listening to their sickly songs – and that was before I heard someone coming out of one of their shows saying that they’d heard better karaoke. Anyway, it seems that the people in the next cabin to ours must have liked the show so much that they’ve bought the CD, as the mournful sounds of ‘Diane’ and ‘I believe’ are permeating the walls as I type. Fingers in ears... la la la la la ... ah that’s better.

Janet
7pm Monday 5th January

p.s. Can you remember the names of the Bachelors in the 60’s? They were Dec and Con McCluskey, and ‘the other one who stood at the back’. Apparently the group now consists of ‘the other one who stood at the back’ plus two more recent members who aren’t dead at the moment.

Lisbon – Monday 5th January 2009

We’ve just got back onboard after walking round the streets of Lisbon for a few hours. Our mission to visit a Museum or Art Gallery was spectacularly unsuccessful, partly because the maps provided by P&O are virtually useless, and those handed out on the quayside by the local Tourist Office also seem to be reluctant to mark the names of the streets. Hence we spent an hour looking for the Modern Art Gallery, which, when we found it, was closed Mondays. Never give up... so after a coffee and a traditional Lisbon custard tart in a small cafe, we decided instead to find the National Art Gallery. This looked an easy task, as it was marked on the map, on the main road just opposite where the ship was berthed. Pity maps aren’t in 3D, as when we reached the spot, it was high above us, up several long flights of steps. Never give up... so we climbed, and climbed... and the very nice lady on reception explained to us that ALL museums and galleries are closed on Mondays. Give up!

Anyway, the day hasn’t been entirely wasted, as we’ve had some exercise and Dave is now sitting contentedly on the balcony, reading today’s D**** M***, (printed in Spain).

We’ve not taken advantage of much of the entertainment on offer this cruise. The theatre shows have had two different singers, a classical pianist, a comedian, a magician and The Bachelors, as well as the onboard team of young entertainers. The ‘magician’ was truly dire. It probably didn’t help that we’d seen him on a previous cruise. Dave’s attention was held for a while by the two ‘beautiful’ assistants who seemed to have forgotten to put the bottom half of their outfits on, and did a lot of bending over. Van Buren, as he is called, has a Northern accent (maybe Van Buren means ‘from Bury’?) and told us that he had learnt his trade from his parents who had passed on the family act to him. Remember the good old days when variety was king? Good clean family entertainment? Don’t we all just love it? Unicycling, juggling, plate-spinning? Van Buren keeps the tradition alive. Oh per-leeeaze... someone wake me up when he’s finished!

On a more positive front, the Headliners Theatre Company, the young talented singers and dancers, are excellent, and gave a brilliant show the other night devoted to the music of Queen. They made a belting job of Bohemian Rhapsody and Barcelona, plus many of the other more well known Queen numbers. They’re on again tonight, this time with an Abba tribute show.

We’ve also seen two films in the onboard cinema, ‘Ghost Town’ with Ricky Gervais – surprisingly good, and the latest Indiana Jones, which was OK too. And last night Dave and I watched a Blankety Blank take-off. Probably the less said about that the better!

So, the last formal night tonight, and then we have to start to think about packing and getting the winter clothes back on. Off to the future tours desk later to see what availability there is on the New Year 2009/10 cruise... watch this space Jools!

Love
Janet
xx

Lansagrotty

I’m writing this sailing away from Lanzarote which is the best way to see it, particularly if the sun’s in your eyes. If you should see Venice and die I suppose you should commit suicide before you get to Lanzarote. To call it a dump would be an insult to municipal facilities everywhere. We’ve been here three times and we decided, after our first visit, that it’s a good place to stay on the boat unless you are seriously into pumice.

According to the history books the island was discovered by the Spanish in the fourteenth century but I suspect they were simply the first ones who didn’t just take one look and keep on going. The panoramic photograph was taken from the front of Oriana as the view from our cabin was not as appealing. The rusting hulk on the left used to be a cruise ship. It was destroyed by rioting passengers who had been told that they would have to stay at Lanzarote for a day longer than advertised.

Dave3rd January 2009

The Show

We went to the theatre last night. The show included a chunk of West Side Story and it was very good indeed. You sit in a luxury 800 seat theatre and a few feet behind the dancers the Atlantic Ocean is rushing past at 20 knots. It’s very surreal which is why I like it. Every few minutes I quietly mutter ‘It’s a boat for god’s sake’

Dave
3rd January 2009

Social Climbing

Janet is trying on her crown and holding up an invitation to the Chief Engineer’s Party to be held in the Captain’s own lounge. How POSH is that. The invitation was wangled by Lillian who sits next to me at dinner and is a gold member of the Portunus Club. You get to be a gold member after you’ve spent the equivalent of a small house (actually it’s probably a medium one at the moment) on P&O cruises. Lillian is a sprightly octogenarian who ‘often has an Officer on her table’. P&O still take customer satisfaction very seriously.
Dave
2nd January 2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Sorry my greeting is a day late, but 1st January was a write-off for me, and unfortunately not for alcohol-fueled reasons. I’ve had a cold for a couple of days, and spent most of yesterday feeling very sorry for myself, tucked up in bed. Which was a pity, as the sun shone all day, seas were calm, and most people on board worked on their tans. Anyway, I did manage to see in the New Year and witness the Madeira fireworks which were absolutely amazing. Dave says I should tell you all about the fireworks, but that’s just impossible – you had to be there. All I will say is that it was worth every penny to make this trip!

Three or four other cruise ships were moored up for the New Year celebrations, including Fred Olsen’s Balmoral. (Note for Julie:- Get the brochure out, this is the one we fancy next! )

Today, Friday 2nd January, we’ve been in Tenerife. The sun shone on our balcony for most of the day, making it very difficult to summon up the energy to do anything other than sit there and read, keeping an eye out for dolphins of course. Not seen any yet, but did see a big turtle yesterday, so still hopeful for more wildlife. We took a stroll into the town this afternoon, but didn’t see anything worth reporting. (Though Dave may invent something later! He has a very vivid imagination).

And just finally – note for Carole – hope all went well today and that the pink bucket remains untouched.

Love
Janet xx
2nd January 2009

Local Customs

Hope you like all the pictures which were taken with Janet’s new voice activated camera (Take a picture of that, have you got that, don’t miss that, etc.) The voice activated camera had to run up some steps to the pier to get this picture of two old men carrying a young girl in a blanket.

This sort of activity would get you on the sex offenders register in most countries but in Madeira it passes for folk dancing. To appease the Gods of the sea the dancers have to carry a virgin to the water’s edge as a (symbolic) offering.

The girl was about 10 so they obviously weren’t taking any chances. The origins of this folk dance are lost in the mists of time but locals believe that if the dancing stops the Cruise Ships won’t return.

Dave x
31st December 2008